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Learn 6 Empowering women- Sexual Violence
I have come to this day for a purpose. I am not here to elevate fear. I am hear to help women fear less. The thing that most people need to know is that rape and other physical abuses are the most common problem for women and young children. As I have said before just about all the women I know have had someone molest them at one time are the other. I want women and children to know that they can arm themselves with knowledge and learn to keep an eye out for those who would hurt them.Because I can not give them all a weapon (and oh how i wish that I could) I will arm them with the only thing I can give and that is knowledge.. I have noticed that there are some similarities to the rape crisis in the Congo and other areas of Africa to the one in America . In Africa the rate is like one out of three women is raped. Some boys
interviewed said that 'jackrolling' - a South African term for
recreational gang rape - was fun. The girls, of course said that their situation was intolerable
and I have found that rape is the fastest growing crime in the world today with the US as the country with the one of the highest number of reported incidents. One of every four women that attend college has been either raped or suffered from an attempted rape. We have a problem with date rape in the US and spousal abuse as well. A woman is raped, at a minimum every minute. On average, 1,871 rapes occur every day, however, 85% of all rapes are never reported. It is believed that the number of rapes in the US may be as high as 500,000 per year. These acts of violence are perpetrated against women of all ages (no woman is too young or too old for a rapist). In fact three out of five rapes that occur are against women under the age of 18, while three out of every ten victims are under the age of 11. The most scary part is that of all the rape incidents only 22% are actually done by strangers, while friends, acquaintances and or members of the victim’s family perpetrate the other 78% (usually at someone’s home vs. a dark alley).
1.Be alert! Keep looking around and be sure to be aware of your surroundings and who is in them. Watch out for people who are invading your space do not be afraid to say no! They do not care what you feel so do not be afraid to say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes.
2.Any man is a potential rapist.
3.Family, friends and acquaintances are most likely to rape.
4.Be very confident of yourself and evoke a strong confidence. The ones that rape want an easy mark.
5.Be careful who you drink with because there is a link between alcohol and rape
6.You do have the choice to dress as provocative as you like and drink all you want but just know that this puts you at higher risk for getting raped.
7.Always travel in pairs. do not go out alone. In some areas always go with a friend day or night.
8.If you feel like something is wrong, TRUST THAT FEELING!. Find the police, an authority figure, Get away.
9.Make sure you stay where it is lit well. Rapists do not want to be seen! If it is dark and you are alone and unarmed be careful.
10. Make sure you stay around a crowd you are less likely to get raped if lots of people are around
11.If some one attacks you make as much noise as possible and run away as fast as you can. Here in the US more people will hear you if you cry out FIRE instead of rape. They respond quickly to fire. (I do not know if this is true in other countries but i wouldn't doubt it).
12.Whether you decide to resist a rapist is an intensely personal decision that no one can second-guess. There could be situations where you might decide not to resist and allow someone to rape you. It’s your call, and there should be no guilt associated with that decision “You can survive a rape.” Survival is the primary consideration. However, YOU MUST REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY !!
Parents. Always know who the people are that are taking care of your children. In countries where names are put on clothing this is a big mistake for children. Anyone can call them by their name seen on their shirt, shoes or book-bag. Always trust you intuition, if you think a person is bad they probably are.
I know that there are other considerations to think of in other countries but I can only report what I am familiar with.
I would reccommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker. He knows how the abusers and stalkers think. I give this to all of my friends.
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440508835
http://www.unmultimedia.org/tv/unifeed/d/15053.html
interviewed said that 'jackrolling' - a South African term for
recreational gang rape - was fun. The girls, of course said that their situation was intolerable
and I have found that rape is the fastest growing crime in the world today with the US as the country with the one of the highest number of reported incidents. One of every four women that attend college has been either raped or suffered from an attempted rape. We have a problem with date rape in the US and spousal abuse as well. A woman is raped, at a minimum every minute. On average, 1,871 rapes occur every day, however, 85% of all rapes are never reported. It is believed that the number of rapes in the US may be as high as 500,000 per year. These acts of violence are perpetrated against women of all ages (no woman is too young or too old for a rapist). In fact three out of five rapes that occur are against women under the age of 18, while three out of every ten victims are under the age of 11. The most scary part is that of all the rape incidents only 22% are actually done by strangers, while friends, acquaintances and or members of the victim’s family perpetrate the other 78% (usually at someone’s home vs. a dark alley).
1.Be alert! Keep looking around and be sure to be aware of your surroundings and who is in them. Watch out for people who are invading your space do not be afraid to say no! They do not care what you feel so do not be afraid to say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes.
2.Any man is a potential rapist.
3.Family, friends and acquaintances are most likely to rape.
4.Be very confident of yourself and evoke a strong confidence. The ones that rape want an easy mark.
5.Be careful who you drink with because there is a link between alcohol and rape
6.You do have the choice to dress as provocative as you like and drink all you want but just know that this puts you at higher risk for getting raped.
7.Always travel in pairs. do not go out alone. In some areas always go with a friend day or night.
8.If you feel like something is wrong, TRUST THAT FEELING!. Find the police, an authority figure, Get away.
9.Make sure you stay where it is lit well. Rapists do not want to be seen! If it is dark and you are alone and unarmed be careful.
10. Make sure you stay around a crowd you are less likely to get raped if lots of people are around
11.If some one attacks you make as much noise as possible and run away as fast as you can. Here in the US more people will hear you if you cry out FIRE instead of rape. They respond quickly to fire. (I do not know if this is true in other countries but i wouldn't doubt it).
12.Whether you decide to resist a rapist is an intensely personal decision that no one can second-guess. There could be situations where you might decide not to resist and allow someone to rape you. It’s your call, and there should be no guilt associated with that decision “You can survive a rape.” Survival is the primary consideration. However, YOU MUST REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY !!
Parents. Always know who the people are that are taking care of your children. In countries where names are put on clothing this is a big mistake for children. Anyone can call them by their name seen on their shirt, shoes or book-bag. Always trust you intuition, if you think a person is bad they probably are.
I know that there are other considerations to think of in other countries but I can only report what I am familiar with.
I would reccommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker. He knows how the abusers and stalkers think. I give this to all of my friends.
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440508835
http://www.unmultimedia.org/tv/unifeed/d/15053.html
Views: 70
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Comment by Shakwei Mbindyo on April 28, 2010 at 9:12am
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The organisation I work with has one of the very few clinics in the largest informal settlements in our regions. Violence against women, children and men is common place. Aside from reporting and councelling, we strongly advice them to seek prophylacsis for HIV and other STIs.
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Comment by A.V.Koshy on April 28, 2010 at 9:28am
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thanks sunny - this is a god post :)
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Comment by Ternura Rojas on April 28, 2010 at 2:16pm
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Hello everyone, and Thanks to sunnydupree for the post. I would like to take the opportuinity of bringing some questions to this "conversation". The information shared in the post work for communities which regard rape as a dreadful act, but what about places, cultures where there is no guarantee of civil securirty? let us consider war conflicts for instance:
Nuns raped by the Serbian soldiers
Mass rape in Rwanda's 1994 civil war
The Use Of Rape as a Weapon in Congo's Civil War
The killings in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico since 1993
and the list goes on and on, including cases of rape by UN blue helmets.....who ironically are there for security reasons!!!
These women are unable to report the abuse, because of many reasons, amongs them is the fact that there is no police in town or even worse: police officers would probably rape them as well
Under those conditions, what can these women possibly do to protect themselves?
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Comment by PJE on April 28, 2010 at 3:09pm
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A very good post and an important discussion. Thanks
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Comment by sunnydupree on April 28, 2010 at 5:04pm
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Temura
Thank you so much for adding to the list of rapes perpetrated on women. I knew that when I was writing this that it would be woefully inadequate to cover all of the violence. I wonder if world governments could come together on this issue. I am thinking that what it boils down to is how women are regarded as second class citizens in most of the world. They hold less power and therefor are the easiest victims. There has to be a paradigm shift with all the cultures to see that Rape and Abuse is outlawed. When you try to educate people against this crime does it instigate it more? How do you shift the thinking of entire cultures? It has to happen for the abuse to stop. Thank you Temura for you underlined the urgency to which all cultures must shift their thinking. Thank you for filling in the blanks that I left out!
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dear sunny
every man is a potential rapist
i agree
so is everyone
i think the need for violence and sex are natural drives
but the question is what do i do with these whther im a man or a woman
one needs to channel them intoother things or make a space for it in things like games and sports as opposed to things like war and abuse and rape
maybe even bdsm - with mutual consent - is ok
the thing is sometimes - im writng this to see what you think of this sunny - in a moment in which a person loses control he or she can do something he or she regrets later
what do uyou think of thi then - i mean while the victim must be recompensated is there any hope for the perpetrator
to change from inside?
any other question
rape and abuse are obvious physical crimes
what about psychological ones
constant mental torture of women
or men for that matter
guess im stepping out of the area of the post here
i found iron's remark useful
in jails men are also raped i know this
so maybe rape victims of both genders need such tips in the future...
i got time to comment on this properly only now sunny
damn good post
thanks
you extensive set of what to do points is especially impressive
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women also can channel their violent drives as shown by sarah or join the army or learn self defence etc - breaking gender stereotypes and let me tell you no one tries to fool around with a woman who knows how to defend herself unless they are many in number
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Violence and abuse are used for one reason only, and yes Koshy women do it to I should have added them to the abuser list, that reason is to gain and maintain control over you. Abusers do not play fair and can often use fear, guilt and shame to control you, Men and Women alike are abusers and also the abused. It crosses races, gender , age and socioeconomic groups. This abuse is NEVER acceptable. Abuse grows from intimidation and threat to violence and while the physical damage is the most obvious it is the mental anquish that is the worse. It live on long after the physical and in many cases is much worse. A bruise can heal but when your self worth is dying it is very hard to recover from that. Men and women alike suffer under these abuses. The only way an abuser can change is if they get help. If they are shown what they do is wrong and they really accept that it is destructive. They must accept what damage they have done and perhaps what was done to them. It all depends on the person. If they are a psychopath they will not change for they were born in violence and that is the way they live. A person that was abused and is just repeating the cycle will change if they are given help. They need therapy to see that what they are doing is wrong otherwise they will revert back to their abusive tendencies. It is a total change of mindset that is needed to stop the abuse. There are many levels of evil out there and as many different ways to change the evil. My short answer is that some people can and will stop the cycle of abuse while others revel in it and will never stop. For example a Pedophile does not believe that what they are doing is wrong and no amount of counseling will change that. Therefore in the US people that have committed sexual crimes have to report to the authorities whenever they move to different households. We have websites in the US that tell us how many sexual offenders are in our neighborhoods and where they are located. Whlie this does nothing to ease our fear it does tell us who is in the 'hood and where they are at so that we as a community can watch out collectively for our children and ourselves. From my own viewpoint and experience abusers rarely see what they are doing is wrong and rarely change. I do hope and pray that this cycle of abuse will end by educating people about this growing epidemic.
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Iron, your question is an honest one and I will answer it honestly. I want you to keep in mind that I love men and want one of my very own. It pains me to have to say this but yes I believe that there is potential in every man to hurt me. When I was only a baby my uncle raped me and yes I remember it vividly I guess I was around two years old. He worked up to it though while everyone was asleep in the house over a series of nignts I was too young to say leave me alone.. Why you don't think your family will hurt you do you? Yes they do. When I was five my parents let a man babysit us and again while everyone was asleep I was molested. My parents only found out because I was not wearing the underwear that I came with under my shorts. I remember because the cops were called and I was questioned. One day when I was out on a walk I do not remember my age but I was only so high that my head was car bumper high. he took me out to a back yard to "show me" some storage building that was broken into. he molested me too. Since then because of what I went through as a child I have been abused and almost murdered by one boyfriend and the others well they did not treat me so hot. It was only through education for me and seeking out positive male role molels like Gavin DeBecker that I have stopped my cycle of violence perpetrated on me. I came from thinking well I probably deseved that to That was wrong and should not happen. The men that stalk you are not good men. Iron you find this shocking only because you are probably a good man and would not do such things. From my experience and the women that I talk to Men have to go on my suspect list. But for equality the list for women abusers is growing as well so you have to arm yourself with knowledge and learn to spot these people for what they are. I do not know why God allowed me to be abused so many times at such a tender age and then grow up with that abuse but maybe it is to share what has happened to me a shine a white hot spotlight on the abusers.
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this is good sunny i apreciate your courage in sharing all this openly
i must dmit that men atre tempted to do these things im sure there are exceptions and iron may be one surely i do not doubt his word
the point here is that whe it happens to you that young you think you deserve it somehow and its so crazy
im glad you broke out of it with the help of jesus and that book and whatever
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