A crash course in changing the world.
Cultivate Receptivity
I resonated with Paul Polak's second point, "talk to the people who have the problem - and LISTEN to what they have to say."
With all my enthusiasm for making a difference sometimes I get caught up in just wanting to 'go go go!' I think Paul's point brings out the importance of slowing down, connecting with the people you're trying to assist and finding out what exactly it is you're assisting them with.
Other than making sure your energy is being directed in the most effective way, listening to people has an extremely important affect. It cultivates receptivity.
For your actions or words to have impact the receiver must be open. For me, receptivity means openness; it means being willing and able to receive.
Don't take my word for it, reflect on your own experience. Think of a time when you accepted the advice or help of a friend, a time when you refused it or got upset. Or a time when you tried to help and your good intentions weren't well received. You might find a key ingredient in these experiences is the presence of receptivity (or lack there of).
In my own reflections I know that the times when I am most open to receiving from others is when I am open to receiving from others. This may seem straight forward and simple, but it is simply powerful...
It is at these times that I am receptive.
Here are some of the ways I have found others create receptivity in me, and I in others.
Receptivity is reciprocal, if you are receptive to others, odds are they will open up and be receptive to you. Openness creates openness.
Practice good active listening skills, restate what you think they are saying to you and ask them if you understood them correctly. Ask them where it is they want to go (the future state) and if you have the ability, maybe you can assist them in getting there.
By listening first your energy will not only be effective, it will be received and appreciated.
With all my enthusiasm for making a difference sometimes I get caught up in just wanting to 'go go go!' I think Paul's point brings out the importance of slowing down, connecting with the people you're trying to assist and finding out what exactly it is you're assisting them with.
Other than making sure your energy is being directed in the most effective way, listening to people has an extremely important affect. It cultivates receptivity.
For your actions or words to have impact the receiver must be open. For me, receptivity means openness; it means being willing and able to receive.
Don't take my word for it, reflect on your own experience. Think of a time when you accepted the advice or help of a friend, a time when you refused it or got upset. Or a time when you tried to help and your good intentions weren't well received. You might find a key ingredient in these experiences is the presence of receptivity (or lack there of).
In my own reflections I know that the times when I am most open to receiving from others is when I am open to receiving from others. This may seem straight forward and simple, but it is simply powerful...
"The times when I am most open to receiving from others is when I am open to receiving from others."
It is at these times that I am receptive.
Here are some of the ways I have found others create receptivity in me, and I in others.
- I am listened to, I feel seen, heard, and understood.
- The person is open and authentic with me.
- They receive me: my words, feelings, and energy.
- They show authentic compassion and interest in me and my needs and feelings.
- What they have to offer is relevant to my needs.
- I find truth in what they share with me; it speaks to my common sense or intuition.
Receptivity is reciprocal, if you are receptive to others, odds are they will open up and be receptive to you. Openness creates openness.
Practice good active listening skills, restate what you think they are saying to you and ask them if you understood them correctly. Ask them where it is they want to go (the future state) and if you have the ability, maybe you can assist them in getting there.
By listening first your energy will not only be effective, it will be received and appreciated.
Views: 6
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Comment by Mita Williams on March 8, 2010 at 1:55am -
Thanks for this. For myself, I being being receptive means being open to something that you might not expect. Maybe because of this, I associate listening and curiosity.
I once heard a writer talk about her interest in the "the conversation behind the conversation" - the dance of emotions and social interactions behind our often everyday interactions. To her, that what she meant by really listening.
But I think you are expressing something different. Listening as a state of reception that is to change? Is that close?
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Comment by Jenn on March 8, 2010 at 2:14am -
I really like what you've posted here, Andrew, especially in terms of international development. I think that we as Westerners often describe wanting to work with people in other parts of the world to "provide" them with skills, "fix" their many problems, or by using an array of other words that cast "us" in the role of lead actors and "them" as secondary characters. I think, like you've said, being open to sharing and reciprocity is a vital framework from which to approach this type of work (both in terms of sustainability and of avoiding postcolonialism). Thanks so much for posting!
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Comment by Andrew Perry on March 9, 2010 at 7:40am -
Thanks for the feedback Mita and Jenn, I feel like you got the essence.
Mita, that's a cool quote you included, it's just another path to the some location. An authentic human-to-human communication.
Jenn, I like how sensitive you are to the implicit authority roles that are acted out, it hints to an underlying paradigm that is perhaps hidden to most.
Cheers to both of you, thanks again for the comments.
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