Gaflabendary 1st, 2020.
Twelve months ago the MassShift occurred, slingshotting the Earth out of its orbit. Eventually coming to equilibrium another 7 million kilometers away from the sun, the Earth re-entered orbit of Sol with virtually no effects to human lifestyle. Except for two:
1. We victoriously stumped global warming by 2°C.
2. Earth's now larger orbit forced the creation of a new month: Gaflabendary.
Today, being the first of Gaflabendary, is the long awaited and much anticipated celebration of humanity's victory over the forces that be.
Yes, today is Keblargens Day!
A day to reflect on the incredible accomplishments of man. A day to understand that we can overcome anything if we just keep trying at it. A day to know that even though the weather is always calm and pleasant now, there was a time when it wasn't, and that really sucked badly. So there are many things indeed to be thankful for on this first Keblargens Day of human history.
And to look out now at the celebrations is to see just what it means to be a human. The towns are dancing aglow with a neon cascade of swirling lights and glamour. It's incredible to know that not a zap of electricity is being used to do it. That is the power of human ingenuity; and the incredible glow of a nonillion marine phytoplankton tweaked to bloom on the first of Gaflabendary.
And fortunate too, that we'd make such an incredible bio-electric development in recent years; as alternate forms of energy just aren’t what they used to be. Not since the MassShift. Not since the moon so unceremoniously fell into the earth; devastating populations, halting global tidal activity, and lobotomizing all weather systems forever.
Yes, those first few months were difficult; but most people eventually went on to do what they've always done: Ignore the terrible things happening all around them, and focus instead on their own personal glory. Yes, the world keeps spinning in its new and oblongish manner, and life tends to go on.
So, when we lost all forms of tidal and weather-based energy sources; and discovered that our improved distance from the sun made solar panels even more useless than they used to be; we could’ve been down and out about it. Yes, we certainly had good reason, but we weren’t. Instead, we held our heads high and looked on to the only consumable resource we had left: The ocean, and all of its magical mine-able depths.
Seeing it now, sparkling there amidst the rooftops in celebration of this wondrous day... it really makes me thankful for all that we've accomplished.
They say that we're a forgetful race. They say that we don't learn from our own history. They say we continue to spiral downward through dimentia with hidden hopes of surviving our perverse lifestyles through our own self-destrucion. They say that's why we celebrate our victory over global warming, and that marvelous new month, Gaflabendary, with such eagerness.
They say these things, yes, but I say it's all just gafooey!
It’s not a perfect world, sure; but when was it? Even evolution makes its mistakes, so why worry? This is Keblargens Day! This our day of victory over the forces that be! Just look at the lights on the houses! We are a clever, clever race, and we do things that look really cool! Yeah, fine, mistakes happen; but we can just keep traveling deeper into space to combat the growing heat, until one day we finally get it right. And if for some reason we don't, the earth will die and we'll just all move to Mars to try it all over again! Either way, I'm telling ya, life is good and things are looking up!