This "mission" -- and in fact the evoke game in particular -- gives me a stomach-ache. Makes me want to shut this browser window and go back to chatting with my fellow 30 and 40-somethings on facebook, hang out with my kids, do the laundry, curl up with a good book -- anything to avoid facing these facts:
- i live an ordinary life and my range of influence on issues i care deeply about it very minimal.
- my life is overfull of inescapable long term commitments and responsibilities [i.e. raising 4 children] that -- while important -- are not the kind of thing that solve global problems.
- i once was someone who did work on these issues
- my 20's are long behind me and the paths i have chosen have taken me important places, and valuable places, but places far removed from other dreams I had.
I did not join the peace corp.
I did not pursue a master's degree in international development.
I did not get an MSW.
[I also didn't go to Hollywood and become an actress, but we are talking about a particular kind of dream I gave up... the one in which I dedicate my life to "Tikun Olam" or "the repair of the world."]
I did get married, and then birth 2 and adopt 2 children.
I did quit my job here to stay at home with our children. [and of course that required similar "sacrifice" of certain ideals on my husband -- who is strapped to a career and an income to support our life.]
I did spend a decade coming to grips with depression and learning to be the person I wanted to be.
I am not about to go back to work or take on any more volunteer responsibilities or join the peace corp or go back to school. not now and not for the foreseeable future.
So what will I do to live all my values on a more macro scale?
I mean beyond trying to be a better person and continuing my path of personal growth and being as good a parent as I can and "being the change I want to see" by picking up litter and letting the person in on the highway on ramp in front of me and giving what money we can to support the causes we believe in, and writing the occasional letter to my congressperson?
What talents do I have that I can use to make a difference on a larger scale? And within the context of the daily life responsibilities that I already have committed to: how can I offer those talents once I've identified them?
In 2020 I will be 52 years old. My children will be: 13, 16, 20 and 27. I will be just beginning to enter the next stage of my life -- one in which parenting will no longer be a day-to-day, moment-to-moment, hands on affair. And I will still have 5 more years before my youngest will be 18, even then.
I can't imagine spending the next 10 years doing anything other than how I've spent the last 10: trying to launch my children into the world as happy, successful, powerful, strong, sane, good people.
I repeat the question:
What talents do I have that I can use to make a difference on a larger scale? And within the context of the daily life responsibilities that I already have committed to: how can I offer those talents once I've identified them?
Perhaps playing this "game" will help me find some answers. Will help me find a way to contribute beyond my little tiny corner of the world, the microcosm in which I raise my children.
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