Pivotal Moment

(Note: this is actually my Quest. I'm posting it here because Ning kept cutting off the text halfway through for some unexplained reason. So here it is, in it's full, brave, glory!)


The thing I believe in most of all is my unconditional love for my husband. I know that doesn't sound all that exciting, but trust me, it is, if you know our story. I believe that unconditional love for a person is crucial to their healthy growth and development and success as a procreative individual (creating good things for the future, not necessarily biological offspring, but art, ideas, and inspiration, too). And by unconditional love I mean supporting their core selves as being miracles of life deserving of getting their needs met to be healthy, as opposed to always loving their actions, which are temporary, and not entirely within their control, and not necessarily a good reflection of their internal intentions. Some people are lucky to get unconditional love from their parents, most don't. Most folks end up at some point being told that they don't deserve to have what they need to be healthy in some obvious or subtle way, and thus end up with "issues" that interfere with their ability to be the best person they could be. This is the case with myself and my husband. We both have an amazing compassion for the world, and so very dearly want to make a better future for everyone, yet our lack of confidence and lack of belief that we deserve to be loved and cared for has seriously hindered our efforts to achieve our most beautiful and possible dreams of making a sustainable living community center, art studio, and farm.

Which is why my pivotal moment was a brave and risky action showing the world how much I love my husband, even though he's surrounded himself in a gang of self-destructive (but not really bad) people who want to keep me away from him. I haven't seen my husband in almost a year, insane as that sounds, and he's managed to push me away from him, for so many reasons, mostly due to his "issues" and fear of abandonment, but I found out that his gang was going to be at an event I was planning on going to, and yesterday I bravely showed up at the event, after going through tons of inner conflict and fear, and walked up to him and gave him a small, gentle touch on his arm. This was so very meaningful to me, even though it sounds silly. He, of course, looked to see who it was, glared at me, and turned back to his gang friends, and pretended it didn't happen. Which is where the unconditional love thing comes in really handy. If I didn't know his heart so very intimately, I wouldn't know that his action last night (and many of his destructive actions for much of his life) very much did not reflect his inner being, and that looking far below the surface of things is where the love is, especially in people who've never had the nurturing love that they need to be healthy, mentally and physically.

And my actions this week, with my wild and free diet, a crash course in learning how to use mother nature's own living economy of giving what you have more than enough of and taking what you need to be healthy from what is offered, has gotten me so much closer to being able to take excellent care of the needs of both my husband and myself, so that we have the option of being able to break free from the repressive, and unhealthy, artificial monetary system, if we choose to do so.

So while I have been and will continue to stand up for my husband's and my health, this week was indeed a pivotal moment in that I both reached out to him even when it seemed so difficult and painful to do, given his anti-Turil friends and his own fears resulting in his destructive tendencies, and that I did something very brave in learning how to escape my addiction to the monetary/governmental system for my food needs.

This may not be the kind of thing Evoke thinks is valuable, but I know, from personal experience, that creating a better world starts with taking better care of yourself and your family, so that you are strong enough to go out there and take care of everyone else. :-)