Urgent Evoke

A crash course in changing the world.

Piezomatic - it doesn't slice, it doesn't dice, but it generates electricity when you do

Okay, okay, I should be getting ready for Christmas, but the shopping channel is the shopping channel and I don't have gifts for everyone. The big thing this year is piezoelectric everything since a certain organization that we won't talk about made the break through in cost and materials. So I'm watching this guy who is disturbing on about eighty different levels and he has these little sticker things placed randomly about his body. I want to change the channel or pluck my eyes out, but somebody hid the remote ... and he is just so odd.

"Mark, can you Mark," the man on the television said. I was about to be totally freaked out, but I remember that the inlaws had the latest in personalized smart television. The man didn't wait for a reply.

"Well, Mark. I bet you are thinking - what can I get my loved ones for Christmas? Carbon credits again? A subscription to a CSA? Apple's new iPerson? No! Take advantage of the latest advances in piezoelectric technology or PZT. Our new Acme PZT personal package will now allow you to harvest watts from the unlikeliest sources."

"Have you ever just walked in from errands when your partner asks you about the one thing you forgot?" The man smacks the transparent patch on his forehead and an LED on his chest lights up. "PZT Forehead is right for anyone who has ever forgotten that one thing. During the course of an average year, you can power numerous rechargeable batteries. It isn't just self-loathing, it's power generation!"

"But wait, there's more. Buy the four pack of PZT Forehead to share with family and friends and I will through it the PZT Ogler. Everyone has a "friend" who does the quick head twist when a pretty girl or handsome lad pa****." An attractive woman walks across the set and the man jerks his head to look crinkling the PZT pad on his neck. "Niiccce ... and several watts. And if your partner catches you. No problem." He smacks his forehead again and another LED lights up on his chest.

"Now, alot of companies offer piezoelectric for your shoes. Really, who walks when they don't have to? That's why we will even throw in a pair of our PZT Cheeks. With these, you can power your laptop, cell phone, or other device by gentle rocking back and forth. Now, if you are one of our customers who enjoy horseback riding, ask to upgrade to the heavy duty model and the standard unit may experience ... difficulties."

"But why stop there, next to the bedroom accesories ..."

My wife calls from the other room. I turn the television off - perhaps, I will get a chance to see some of the other products later ...

Views: 72

Comment by Shakwei Mbindyo on March 22, 2010 at 12:27pm
+1Creativity. Totally cool! I want the iPerson for Christmas 2020. Perhaps I should invest in this domain name today?? I don't believe it - its already taken!!
Comment by Sylvain Ratelle on March 22, 2010 at 12:59pm
Hello Mark, I support that creativity, back to you soon
Comment by Michele Baron on March 22, 2010 at 2:46pm
fun reading. Thank you
Comment by Elastika on March 22, 2010 at 5:45pm
funny & clever :)
@Shakwei: even funnier (and a little scary as well) that iPerson domain is already taken ...

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