Rebel Granny - Mission 8-Imagine

The year is 2060. It is Thanksgiving. I am sitting at the family reunion with lots of children running around and making a ton of noise. Somebody just brought me a little glass of red wine. Thank goodness! My knees are killing me, but I dare not try to walk around too much for fear I’ll trip over some creeping, crawling babe.

Above all the hubbub and what-the-heck, I hear someone mention the “War Between the States.” The conversation seems to focus on the evils of slavery and how fat, ignorant rednecks from the South tried to overthrow the US government. I listen in silence, chuckling to myself until I can stand it no longer. Somebody has mentioned repealing the law against the “stars and bars.”

I clear my throat and begin:
“If you mean the Confederate States of America, which existed from 1861 to 1865, it had three different national flags," I observe. The first one was called the “stars and bars.” It had up to 13 white stars in a circle on a field of blue in the upper left corner and red and white stripes. It has never been outlawed. The second, which was called the "stainless banner," had the Southern Cross in the upper left corner on a plain white flag. The third, called the "blood stained banner," was just like the second only it had a red stripe going down the right side as well. The flag that most people associate with the confederacy—which was outlawed in 2020--is actually called the “Southern Cross.” It was a battle flag, probably used by Picket’s regiment and adopted at the Battle of Manassas. I guess they outlawed that one just because a lot of people in the South liked it.”

“Oh, yes, you are right: the national anthem, however, did pay tribute to the bonny blue flag, which was a plain blue flag with a single white star in the middle of it.”

“No, I was not there, Honey,” I go on. “But, many of your relatives—great uncles and cousins—fought in that war. Their intention was never to overthrow the US government. They wanted to have a country of their own.”

“Why?” I think a minute, “So, nobody could outlaw their flag for starters…” I chuckle. “You see, aside from slavery (which was truly evil and horrible), there were many differences between the rural, agrarian, libertarian south and the urban, industrial, federalist north. The war was sort of part of the industrialization process.”

I continue, “The people in the south probably were not particularly fat; they worked too hard in the fields. They were probably not ignorant; Thomas Jefferson, a southerner, invented public schools. But, they were rednecks—which just means farmers. And these farmers wanted to maintain their freedom to live their lives as they thought fit. They wanted to profit from the fruits of their fields without paying so much taxes, and they wanted to keep government in the states, where it would be closer to the people.”

“Well, Honey, I guess they felt that smaller government is more accountable; people know how their money is being spent and by whom. Also, smaller, state governments can better serve the specific needs and interests of the people who live there.”

“I have no idea why they portray Southern people as fat police officers with mirrored gla**** on the TV,” Honey…

“Yes, they outlawed our stories, like Uncle Remus and Tom Sawyer and Diddle Dumps and Tot.”

“Yes, they outlawed our songs, like Dixie, and abolished our football teams’ mascots…”

“Why? Well, because they wanted freedom and equality…”

“No, I do not need my nap now!!

"Honey, please run and bring me some more of this nice wine…”